that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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