So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
