tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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