you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
