Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
