He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize