I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
