jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
