Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
