Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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