he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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