1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this is an emotional support booty call
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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