Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
