she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
