I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
