Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
cat food counts as protein by the way
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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