Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
