So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
