yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
