I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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