that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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