I wish I only lived at night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
