even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
