im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
