they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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