i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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