I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
