You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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