i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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