Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
