So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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