he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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