You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize