he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
