i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
