24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
