I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
