I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
