He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
