she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
