never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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