Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
being pregnant is like rehab
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
