Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
