I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
