awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you traded sex for a burrito?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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