At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
