i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
