My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
