PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
