I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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