pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
