Don't you send me to vm
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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