mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
