i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
