Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
