So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
