Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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