Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sarcasm needs its own font
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
