i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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