im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize