SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
