turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
