I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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