Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
