Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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