He uses pillows to masturbate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
