Your mouth is God's brothel.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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