Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So squirting runs in the family.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
