Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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