the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The ass gains better be worth it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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